"Huh? Second?", that's what your first response might be, noting that there's no First Holy Spirit Experience entry anywhere in this blog. Yes, no matter how hard you look, you will not find it, because it's simply not there. The first one is listed under a special protected mode entry in my old UJournal, only a few chosen people were allowed to see that one, because it's private, very private. The most I can tell you is that in my first seeking of the Spirit (read: "tongues"), I was rejected because my life was sinful and for God is holy then He cannot grant His goodness to those who are unholy. I then started fixing up my life, to where I am today.

Today, as yesterday I have received some kind of guidance to go to Vi's mom again, I went there at 1 p.m. Went to some talks until 4.30 p.m, was a little unconvinced, if you ask why I took that long. I asked for a sign that if He wanted me to stay there and ask Him, let the rain keep pouring... if until 4.30 the rain still pours then I will do it. And yes, the rain fell from 3 p.m to about 8 p.m so at about 4.45 p.m I decided to ask again for the Spirit to come into my heart to take control.

Result? This time He said He saw that I have tried to seek Him, and He is delighted with that, and He will give me what I desire. OK, I was glad to hear that, but... after an hour passed, nothing came. We prayed again and He said that I have things to take care of in my heart: lack of faith, unbelief, fear, doubt, anger, anguish, feel dissapointed, feel rejected, lies, etc. So until those have been cleared of, the Spirit can't come in. After I came home, the first thing I did was to clear up a dispute between me and three friends. Called the first one that has the biggest probability for a relationship rebuilding, and told her I apologize for everything I wronged her. She said it's ok, and while I saw that it was still far from a relationship rebuilding, that was a good start. I didn't dare to call the other two at 10 p.m, because the other two are more difficult and tend to easily get angry on me. I decide to wait until tomorrow and I will pray for a God-guided conversation so I will not let out any more harmful things come out from my mouth and I will be able to rebuild the broken relationship. It won't be easy...

Oh yeah, we also prayed for a soulmate for me *blushes* =^_^=. Aiyaa, I'm still 19 and I think it's better for me to focus on God first, but having a soulmate with the same flame and passion for God isn't bad, so we can build and help strengthen each other's faith and we can work a ministry together. Will it be "her"? Aw, she's still 17 by now so I think the path is still up and far ahead, so I better refocus my life again to serve the Lord's purposes...

note: for those of you who enjoy my new background song, it's called Retrospection from Suikoden II.


••• Monday, November 17, 2003 •••