No, I'm not talking about that Schindler's movie here. I'm talking about what happened during the last few days, the early days of 2004. It seems like most people easily get blown off lately. First it was Ipone a few days ago, then me two days ago, then Mee yesterday. For me, my anger was caused by my stressed and nervous condition, of having to face a hard presentation the next day, one I knew for sure I will surely fail. Knowing that, I can't help but to lash out in my stress to my lecturer, saying bad and mean things about him I shouldn't have said.

It happened two days ago as I was having a conference chat with Mee and Will on YM. As I chatted, I was working on the project, and as I worked, I feel more and more depressed and finally, when I can't hold the tension any longer, it blew up and messed up the whole chat. That night, I couldn't do anything else, but to pray and ask for His help, guidance and protection for the next day, because it was going to be a hard day. Finally, it came, and yes, I failed the presentation (got a killer lecturer-assistant to presentate to for my round) and even more, some of my friend even said harsh things and made bad jokes of me. Still, I managed to pass the day "with merits" and I know that it's not by my own abilities I managed to hold up. But it's God's mercy and grace that has managed me to pass yesterday without blowing my mind. In my usual condition, I would have blown off my fuse.

A message I want to say here is that let us face our days ahead with a cool mind and calm temper. This year 2004 is still long ahead and we don't want to fail Him so easily, do we? As we face our hard days ahead, ask for His guidance and protection, so we won't fall into many temptations. This year will be a lot harder than before.

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"But no one can tame the tongue, it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. By this we bless God, even the Father. And by this we curse men, who have come into being according to the image of God. Out of the same mouth proceeds blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. Does a fountain send forth at the same hole the sweet and the bitter? Can the fig tree, my brothers, bear olive berries; or a vine, figs? So no fountain can yield both salt water and fresh." (James 3:8-12)

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••• Thursday, January 08, 2004 •••