 Because right now I am faltering and falling down. I started questioning myself if the relationship will work out just fine and whether our relationship is good in His eyes. I started to look on things which could happen in the future which I don't know how to face. I am beginning to get afraid.... really afraid of what might happen next.... Please hold my hand and walk with me, pray with me for our future.... God, where should I go? What should I do next? P.S for Juli: stay close by me, hold my hand, and pray for our future... it's getting uncertain... ••• Saturday, July 24, 2004 ••• Due to the Doneeh's Commenting System being unoperable now, I have no other choice but to change my commenting systems to Haloscan. All of the previous commenting system's data should be lost, but once Doneeh is operable again I might be able to retain it. But there will be no way to merge it with Haloscan's commenting system, so all I can do is apologize, your comments might be lost forever. Please bear with it and use the current commenting system from now on as it is managed by professional hands, unlike those amateur Doneeh guys. Yup, that's right. As of July, 14th 2004 I officially have a girlfriend. We met on the internet via the previous community, 2kGeneration, about December 2003 and it continued until the new community, The Outcasts, begun. First, I thought she must have liked another person, as she kept telling me about her chasing another person. But in the end she gave up on that person. We met face-to-face during the Outcasts Puncak Gathering on 9-11 July 2004. We talked about many things and learned a lot about each other. Then on July 14th we made a commitment to start a relationship and build it all the way to the marriage. She's my first (and last) girlfriend. Will everything go smoothly then? Most likely no. She is four years older than me so it will be hard work to convince our parents about our relationship. So far we haven't told them. But we got a great deal of prayer support from our friends. From my side, I would like to thank C'tine, Nino, Mee-a, Ce Lintjie, Yusak, Papi Har and Mima. I don't know about the support team on Juli's side, but as far as I know, Yusak, Papi Har and Mima are all of those in Juli's support team. Anyone rejecting us? Sure, we've got two persons rejecting our relationship but we think we'll be able to work it out eventually. Just in this week, right after we started our relationship, many "rocks and walls" were thrown on us, especially on me. So I need to manage a better spiritual life and let Him handle all things and all aspects on my life. These problems I face right now are just small stones compared to what I must face in the latter part of my relationship, especially closing on marriage. If I can't trust Him right now, then I do not know how far I am able to go later. Both of us must strive harder for a better relationship with God (and also our family - especially our parents, I've began closing on them for a while). Right now we're planning a marriage in four years time, and we're pursuing an "okay sign" from my choir tutor, Ce Lintjie. Currently she's not giving A-OK with our relationship, but she will support us in prayer, and she will check on my spiritual and maturity growth in six months time. So I hope by January 2005 she will have decided what to do about us. And on March 2005, my girlfriend will come to my place and I plan to introduce her to my church friends and fellow choir members. So we need an "okay sign" before that. Hopefully. And I still don't know what to tell my parents about her when she come here later. Will it be the time yet to tell my parents about everything? I'll depend entirely on Ce Lintjie, as my tutor and God's servant. We need all the support we can get, so please pray for us, dear friends... we'll appreciate it... Here's my current life plan for the next four years: - Finish my current studies, Bachelor of Information Engineering, next year (July 2005) - After that, pursue a Master degree in two years and seek a decent job (hopefully 2007) - And conserve some money for our financial needs, rent a house and plan the wedding - Marry her (hopefully 2008/2009) and have two children (we'll name the girl Julia Xaverina)  Uh... sorry if my face's kinda strange. I wasn't expecting the camera. But it's our only pic... Before I was so scared that I might fail one or two subjects this semester. But when I surrendered it all to Him, He answered by giving me 1 A mark, 5 B+ marks and 2 B marks... making this semester's GPA as high as 3.44 and the total GPA 3.36. I know that I couldn't have done it by myself. And right now I still have to face my practice work at a web design and programming company. I know I can't make it on my own. But if God will bring me to it, He'll bring me through it. I'll just have to believe in Him entirely, right now, then and forever. ••• Tuesday, July 20, 2004 ••• |
About Myself
 Born on 23 March 1984 New-Born on 10 August 2003 Residing in Surabaya, Indonesia Petra Christian University, Informatics Eng. E-Mail : chaoticblue@gmail.com Yahoo : blu3_dr4g00n@yahoo.com MSNM : blu3_dr4g00n@hotmail.com Current Music - Aerith's Theme MIDI Taken from Final Fantasy VII MIDI Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children.
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