This is a plain simple but silly question that turned into my mind just a few days ago. "How much do I really know His Word?". For me the answer is... not much. A few days ago, Juli asked on the Outcast Community about who was Taddhaeus, and whether Luke was one of the 12 Apostles or not. I did not know about Taddhaeus, but I was so sure that Luke was one of the 12 Apostles. And what's worse, not just Luke, but I also thought that Matthew and Mark were also of the 12 Apostles. If you know about the members of the original 12 Apostles, Matthew, Mark and Luke were not of them. It's the little things that can catch you off guard :)


Because of this, I become aware that I really haven't learned much about the Scriptures. I've started only after I became truly new-born last August, and I haven't read that much passages yet. I've finished reading Genesis on January 2004 but I stopped around the middle of Exodus. I need to start disciplining myself again, maybe I'll read the New Testament first. I haven't even read the most important part of the Bible, the part about Jesus' sacrifice. I didn't know much about the details because I haven't read passages from the Last Supper to the Resurrection until the Ascension of Jesus (although I learned the basics at Sunday School). When I saw The Passion of The Christ, I was like "Huh? Did they really speak that in the Bible?" (like the part where Pilate asked, "Truth? What is truth?", or about the false witnesses, or about Caiaphas saying, "If you free this man then you're the enemy of Caesar" and so on). At first I thought they were additional lines from the movie, but in actuality, they're not. They are real.


Thanks to Juli, now I feel anxious and eager to learn more about God's Word. Hmm... I wonder where should I start next. I don't feel like continuing from Exodus just yet, there's too much confusing numbers and sizes about temples, camps and robes there. Maybe continuing from the New Testament will be better. Until then, if you have something interesting to discuss, please be so kind to tell me via my commenting system or shoutbox. I'll read about it and maybe we can discuss it together here. For now, this is the current topics I want to learn:

If Matthew, Mark and Luke were not of the 12 Apostles, how could they describe what     happened during Jesus' ministry with accuracy and detail? Did they trail along with Jesus     on Getsemane? Were they on the same boat when the storm happened? Divine inspiration?

The role of the 12 Apostles. Was there any of them that went unnoticed? After I learned     about Thaddaeus later I found out that he was the one that wrote the "Epistle of Jude".

The death of the 12 Apostles plus the new Apostles such as Paul, Silas etc. This is not on     the Bible, so I need references. Like about Peter died being crucified with his head below.


Sister Chette and Jessy, I think this will be interesting for you two. Can you help me? ^__^


••• Thursday, May 27, 2004 •••

My Loneliness (Life Outside The Virtual World)

In real life, I don't have many friends. My world only revolves around Mee-a and June at most. To think about it, there are only six people right now whom I can count as my close friends in real life: Mee-a, June, Felis, Yenny, Mei Fang and Roy. As much as I depend on them, they have their own worlds. Mee-a have her own friends and she has a lot of work to do at her workplace. June also has a lot of friends, mostly girls of course, so I cannot join her in her world. I can't ask Felis out without bringing Mee-a too, and because it's hard to go out with Mee-a, it's even harder to go out with Felis. Yenny works as a tailor and she has a lot of work to do, so she can't go out with me. Mei Fang already has her own boyfriend, so she can't go out too. Roy is busy with his studies and his tasks in student organizations, so he's out too.


On the contrary of these friends of mine, I am all alone and I don't have my own "separate" group where I belong. I know that I should have at least one more circle of friends, but I really don't have any. I don't have any close friends in my campus (used to have 3 close friends, but since now all of them have boyfriends, I can't go out with them anymore). I don't have any close friends in church (other than June, Yenny and Mei Fang, the others are just plain friends, fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, and that's it). I only have those six. No more.


This feeling of loneliness has reached its peak today, when June went out with her friends to watch Van Helsing. Last week she already told me that she can't watch it with me and Mee-a because she had her own appointment for that movie with her friends. I thought that would be okay and I can watch it on my own with Mee-a and Felis last Thursday, but later it turned out that both of them couldn't go. I turned to Yenny and asked her to go out, but she's too busy. Mei Fang wasn't available and Roy was still busy with the Informatics National Seminar. So to this day, I have not seen that movie, and when June came back and told me about today, I suddenly felt "left out of the world". That's why I'm writing this right now all of a sudden.


Judging from my friends list on that right side, you may think that I have a lot of friends. That's right, but the problem is that they are not friends in my real life, whom I can meet each day. I don't mean that my online friends (including you who is reading this right now) are not REAL friends, but as much as they mean to me (hey, you guys are my world! I want you to know that). Even though I have you as my online friend, I can't possibly ask you to go out with me to watch a movie or go play bowling or pool with me, right? That's the harsh reality that I'm facing right now. You guys see me as who I am in the virtual world, as Blue, and I don't mean that just in the way you call me. Even though you call me Nathan, the part of me that you see in this blog is Blue, and the person you see writing each day in the Outcast Community is Blue. You can't go beyond or pierce through the virtual barrier. Here, I am just tiny bits of text...


I often dream that some day, there will be some way for all of us, how separated we may be in the real world, can unite and get together on a day, strolling through the mall or watching a movie together or maybe doing some other activities. But I know that the dream will remain just a dream. If I want to get out of my loneliness then it is me that have to walk out of my solitary life and go find some friends. This will lead to another problems because it turns out that I can't get along with boys. If you see my list of friends both in real life and in virtual life, you'll realize that almost ALL of my friends are females. I don't know why and I don't understand how did it end up like that but that's the reality in my friendship pattern. Pretty strange huh?


I know that doing nothing will lead me nowhere. But right now I have no clues of what to do. So right now I decided to trust in Father and also to trust in you, my online friends. Please tell me what to do, if you have any suggestions. Today I'm getting a lot of stress, due to the number of assignments that I must finish this week, coupled with my failure in today's test and also a problem that June has gotten into. There's so much that I must do tomorrow, so I better get some sleep right now. Thank you for reading my rants. I hope I can get out of this quick.


••• Tuesday, May 25, 2004 •••

A Gift From Chette

I got this gift from Chette yesterday. What do you think? It's very cute, isn't it? ^__^





A lot of thanks to sister Chette! God Bless You Always.


••• Sunday, May 23, 2004 •••