The first plan for today was to come to the campus lab at 8.00 and prepare before going forth for the presentation. But yesterday June called and asked me to take her school report because her parents can't take it. So I changed the meeting plans to 9.00. When I arrived at the campus after I took the report and delivered June home, my friends were already waiting in front of the lab. I asked them if we should prepare then, and they answered they feel no more need for any more preparation, and that they were ready to just face the preparation. They're ready for the "get rich or die tryin" thing... er... no, I mean the "pass it or fail it" thing. So there we went, the five of us, fully "armed", to the lecturer's office with the USB disk in my hand.


So finally, after a short walk, we arrived. Like those girls always say in the movies, the "men go first" thing, there I went first into the office. After a short idle blah-blah chatter, I plugged in my USB disk containing the project data to the USB port. The lecturer opened the program, loaded a MIDI file, and it ran up nicely to our "phew..." feeling. We were really glad that it works. The lecturer then started asking some questions, but those were simple question, not thrusting in too deep into the details, and not what we can't answer. Then he asked again, "Where's the vis?". I ran up another program, a FFT spectrum analyzer thing. To my surprise, he said, "Hey, this titlebar said Tom's Spectrum Analyzer. Did you download this one?". Oops... forgot to erase that titlebar thing. Bad me. XP

My friends were getting worried and sweatdrops fell one by one from their brows. I tried my best to maintain my calmness and composure, although I was shocked myself, and my clothes was already wet with sweat round my back. I answered him, "I took this from the Internet, yes, tried to study it, but failed. The lab assistant said that we should learn FFT first, then he will teach us how to use that to make a vis". He said, "Why didn't you say so? Which part you didn't understand?". I then pointed him at the FFT function's mathematical equations and he taught me how to use that, and then he said that to make a vis you need no FFT, just use some basic variable passings from the MIDI parameters and you're done. And he said, "I appreciate though that you went so far to learn FFT, it is indeed hard, and if you're interested, you can take a Master of Digital Sound Processing... they learn all about that stuff there". Then came the last part which startled me... "Okay, we're done. 80, no more questions asked..."

W-what? Just that? 80, no more questions asked? And I thought I was getting 40 or 50 for that one! Hey this must be a grace, a miracle. What I thought to be my weakness (I didn't understand FFT at all so I hoped that he wouldn't ask) went to be my strong point because he thought I was willing to learn that. 80, no questions asked, will give me a good night rest today, knowing that I will pass all my subjects nicely this semester with grade B or B plus. Thanks to the LORD! He really hears us when we cry, and He gives the best for us! He will never ever fail us! =)

" LORD, thank you for hearing my prayer. Even in times that I thought there is no hope, You showed me the Light. You made a way where there seemed to be no way. I thank You, LORD. Teach me to just hold on to You and follow, no matter what. Because it's the mighty works of Your Hand that leads us through the darkest valleys, and gives us victory. Thanks for Your amazing Grace! AMEN! "


••• Saturday, January 10, 2004 •••
No, I'm not talking about that Schindler's movie here. I'm talking about what happened during the last few days, the early days of 2004. It seems like most people easily get blown off lately. First it was Ipone a few days ago, then me two days ago, then Mee yesterday. For me, my anger was caused by my stressed and nervous condition, of having to face a hard presentation the next day, one I knew for sure I will surely fail. Knowing that, I can't help but to lash out in my stress to my lecturer, saying bad and mean things about him I shouldn't have said.

It happened two days ago as I was having a conference chat with Mee and Will on YM. As I chatted, I was working on the project, and as I worked, I feel more and more depressed and finally, when I can't hold the tension any longer, it blew up and messed up the whole chat. That night, I couldn't do anything else, but to pray and ask for His help, guidance and protection for the next day, because it was going to be a hard day. Finally, it came, and yes, I failed the presentation (got a killer lecturer-assistant to presentate to for my round) and even more, some of my friend even said harsh things and made bad jokes of me. Still, I managed to pass the day "with merits" and I know that it's not by my own abilities I managed to hold up. But it's God's mercy and grace that has managed me to pass yesterday without blowing my mind. In my usual condition, I would have blown off my fuse.

A message I want to say here is that let us face our days ahead with a cool mind and calm temper. This year 2004 is still long ahead and we don't want to fail Him so easily, do we? As we face our hard days ahead, ask for His guidance and protection, so we won't fall into many temptations. This year will be a lot harder than before.

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"But no one can tame the tongue, it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. By this we bless God, even the Father. And by this we curse men, who have come into being according to the image of God. Out of the same mouth proceeds blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. Does a fountain send forth at the same hole the sweet and the bitter? Can the fig tree, my brothers, bear olive berries; or a vine, figs? So no fountain can yield both salt water and fresh." (James 3:8-12)

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••• Thursday, January 08, 2004 •••
Wanna know why? When today I nearly missed a collision with a truck (my right door was so close with the truck's side grille, if I didn't steer left sharply maybe it would have left a deep scratch mark on my door, ouch!). Then I come to think about the risks of high-speed driving. I started to think deeply about speeding, is it a bad trait or a good trait? Sure, it can be both, depending on how good is your driving skills and how good you use it. Let's see...

Say if you're a good driver, and then one day there's a ruckus or a riot happening near you. You need to get out of there fast, so you decide to run into your car and start driving as fast as you can. Having some great driving skills at that time can prove to be very handy, as that can save your life. But what about the bad side of speeding? That's if you don't have an adequate driving skills and you try speeding in the central city district. That would be suicidal. What happens if you crash and you lose your life? If you're a saved Christian, it would mean you're going Home and you can no longer serve whatever purpose God has in mind for you. If you're not saved, that means you'll see hell opening beneath you and you'll lose your soul for eternity. The enemy wins either way.

That's why people say some movies are harmful for the non-mature audience. Watching 2 Fast 2 Furious for example, will increase your adrenaline and make you feel like wanting to go inside your car as soons as you can and speed around the city. That's what happened to me right here just now, ha ha. But don't worry guys, I'm not gonna change this new layout, I'll just have to be careful with my life from now on. My driving skills ain't good enough for racing stuff, and if someone would give me a racer nickname, that would be "Reckless Speeder".

I'll have to learn, when to drive fast, and when I should not. Some improvement in my driving skills may be called for too, as I am still a reckless one, and all I can drive is my Peugeot 206 (driving larger cars will lead to danger for me, I've tried driving a Honda CRV and it didn't turn out quite well), and I can't drive Manual Transmission too. So before I do anything rash, I need to have self-control and wisdom on when and how speeding is necessary.

Some notes:
I've been thinking that this is how the enemy works, by using some movies to intimidate suicidal stuff. Okay, the movies themselves may not be that, but if you fail to guard your mind and thoughts, you may be into some rash actions. I've been thinking about how many youngsters have watched movies like 2 Fast 2 Furious, went speeding in the streets, crashed, died, and went to hell. That's not a good thing, no? So next time you watch a movie like that, pray first, pray after, guard your mind and thoughts, don't lose control. Don't give in to the enemy.


••• Monday, January 05, 2004 •••
Yesterday was the last free day for many people. Those who work (like Mee) must once again go to their work today. And those who are still in high school (like little sister June) must prepare as they will return to school on Wednesday. So yep, as today Mee were going back from Jakarta to Surabaya, I had to pick her up with June coming up with me. Mee was to arrive at 6 pm, but because of some delays, she arrived at 7 pm. By then, I and June have been waiting inside my car and we went into a deep sharing session involving much of the problems June is facing. At first, we planned to eat some "Nasi Ayam" at "Pak Djo", but because we needed a better place to do some sharing, we went to De Boliva instead. And ordered lots and lots of food. Ice creams, potatoes, etc.

So that's it, from the Juanda Airport we went through a smooth ride (with occasional speed bursts done by me to overtake some leet cars in the nearly empty street) to De Boliva, and we shared much and we were doing much faith-building today, especially for sister June. She is very much in the state of "must be seeking God" like I was once in the past. That time, I managed to find my way out through the shares and faith-buildings done by Mee and Larry. So now it's my time to return the favor, by supporting June with prayers and sharings. Mee done the task with a lot of talking today, and from what I see, it made quite an impact on June. Hope she'll find her way soon....

The night pretty much ended with some speed drivings. As I am still influenced by the 2Fast 2Furious DVD I've just seen, and the pressing matter of time (June needs to be home at 9, and we got out from De Boliva at 9.15 and I still need to take Mee home first), the only option was to drive fast. And yep, I drove REAL fast, around 80-100 kph in the city, arriving at Mee's at around 9.35 and June's at 9.50. That was quick.

Sure, sure, compared to my 206 I would love to get a Nissan Skyline or a Mitsubishi Evo VII, but right now I will have to be content with my car, which cannot be used to speed more than 120 kph. Try any more faster than that and the steering wheel will become unstable. Oh man, I need a new car, modified, with under-lamps, NOS, etc etc. I wonder how Venety will react when she sees this post, hahaha. She's quite a racer too you know? :p


••• Monday, January 05, 2004 •••