Well. Sometimes the hardest part in letting God work is to let go. For the last few days I have been in a mixed state between angry, anxious and confused. I know that God will provide a way for June, but I'm just not the type of person who can just calm down, stay put and let go. I'm more like an action man. So instead of just praying and giving it all, I offered to teach June every afternoon. The original plan was for me to teach her for a week from this Monday to Sunday, and she was going to take the TOEFL on next Monday. But then the plan rolled to another path.

Instead of next Monday, she was to take it on this Friday [yesterday]. I was very afraid that she was not going to pass. Because I haven't been able to teach her that much. On Monday, she said she haven't read the materials yet so she wants to learn by herself. Okay. On Tuesday, I can't teach her on her house (because there was no one else there) so we had to move to a cafe to study. On Wednesday, I taught her on her house, but not too much. On Thursday, she was too tired to study and she wanted to study by herself on the night. Okaaay... so how the heck was she supposed to pass with that kind of minimal study? (though I know if God wants, she can).

I was in a mixture of stress and depression. Finally, when I knew that this TOEFL test is being held for free, I decided to join in. The reason were because I don't want to wait in the car 2.5 hours doing nothing, and I wanted to know how hard was the test, so I can estimate how high she would reach. So I accompanied her to the test and took the test too. Before the test though, she said that I should sit next by her so she could copy my answers. I told her that it's not good, but it's not for me to decide, because it's her future that is at stake, and I ask her to think about it and decide. It's her future after all. So she prayed, and took the test with me and her friend.

Today, the results came in. I got 657 (higher than my previous 640) and she got 537 (passed that 500 mark!). She admitted that she copied about 18 answers (out of 140) from my answer sheet. She thinks about it and I said that she passed because of me, not God, and this is maybe me taking God's glory and work. Although I wanted to take part in this and I wanted to be able to act and do something, this just feels unright for me. But what if she didn't copy? Maybe she wouldn't pass (her friend got 457, she didn't copy from me). But yes, the path has been chosen, the decision has been taken. Her future is in her own hands, and she has decided where she would go.

A dillematic question to answer:   Can we work in the ways of unjust evil to bring a good cause of things?


••• Saturday, January 17, 2004 •••
Alright, alright, listen up guys. Today all of my grades for this semester has been posted, and guess what, my final grade is better than what I asked God to give. For those of you who haven't known how the grades system in here work: grades are given from the range of E to A. E corresponds to 0, D to 1, C to 2, B to 3, and A to 4. So, the final grade will range from (lowest) 0 to 4 (highest). If you get the hang of it, let's look at the scores.

• Christian Religion : B+
  
• Discrete Mathematics : B+
  
• Computer Networking : A
  
• Software Engineering : B+
  
• Multimedia Systems : B+
  
• Digital Image Processing : A
  
• Fuzzy Logic and Neural Network : C+ (doh!)
  
• Decision Support Systems : B+
  
  This Semester's Grades : 3.50 (87.5%)
  Last Semester's Grades : 3.64 (91.0%)
  All (5) Semester Grades  : 3.34 (83.5%)

Can't believe I can pass the 3.50+ again. When I first entered Informatics Engineering I said that I'll never be able to pass that 3.50 mark, because those guys past 3.50 are considered "masters", and is believed to be in a different level than others (simply put, they are "gods" and the others are "commons"). Last semester I went past the 3.50 mark when I achieved 3.64, and this semester I thought I'd get as low as 3.10 to 3.25, but God gave me more than what I asked (I asked 3.15+). Well, I am still in the level of "commons" because my total grades accumulated from 5 semesters is still below 3.50 (as you can see, it's 3.34). But I'm pretty satisfied with that, and I would never expect to get that high on a difficult semester like this. But yes, what I can't possibly reach on my own, God can!

With this done, now all that is left is June's tests. Will she be able to pass the TOEFL grade of 500+ and the entry test grade of 80+ needed to enter the Communications Major? Only time will tell God's mighty work of greatness...


••• Thursday, January 15, 2004 •••
I want to thank You for Mee-a. Thank You for such a nice sister who has helped me and strengthened me on many occassions. Because she have faced many things in the past, she has learned about how to always dwell on You and lean by Your Strength alone. She has taught me much during the past months and she has also helped me to draw closer and nearer to You. Help us to strengthen each other and help us to be able to walk together in the journey for eternity, to find Your Presence. Help and teach us to always place our faith in You.

I want to thank You for June. She is one of the closest persons to me now, with Mee-a, the three of us has been united by the bond of brothers and sisters in Christ. What's more, with Mee-a and June sharing the same kind of past, they understand how each other feel and they can both help to lift and strengthen each other. Thanks Lord, for giving Mee-a for June and for giving June for Mee-a. Thanks also for placing both of them in my life, they are the closest and dearest persons to me. As she's now facing troubles and difficulties for her studies, help me to teach her and help me to support her, so she can draw herself nearer and nearer to You, so she can rest upon Your strength and lovingkindness. Help her Lord, cause there's so little I can do with my abilities alone.

I want to thank You for Your providence during this semester. I thought I'll never pass this semester with good grades, but to this day, the results have shown one A and four B pluses from eight subjects (the other three are still in pending). I thought I'll never get that high of a score again, but yet You continued to amaze me with your never ceasing mercy and grace and lovingkindness. Help me to always trust in You and to always put my life, the whole of it, in Your hands alone. Because it is only You who knows my future and can lead me to it.

I want to thank You for all of my friends I've known over at 2kG and from the blogging community. Thank You for Chees, Will-Iyem, Angie (Freccia), Ipone, Venety, Kriz, TG, Larry, Adjie, Lilik, Vi, Eve, Juli, Shanty, Cloud, QQ, Reena, F|N, Chette, Marisa, Aibou, Ann, Jessy, Pau Pau, and many others whom I may have forgotten to write here (and if I did, please forgive me and please say so in the comment or shoutbox). All of them, one by one, have touched my life in many ways, and without them, I will not be here, and maybe this blog wouldn't even exist today. They are my brothers and sisters in Christ, with bonds of faith that will not be lost forever, because we are one, and together we are members of the body of Christ, united by faith, though separated we may be.

If my life shall cease, then I shall be grateful for all that You have given during my stay on the Earth. If one day I shall come back home to Heaven, then the one thing I shall ask for is that so I can meet all of them once again later in the same place, in Your House, in the Kingdom of Heaven. They are such nice people, brothers and sisters I will not forget. Thank You for reminding me yesterday about how much You have given to me and blessed to me.


••• Tuesday, January 13, 2004 •••