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A second blog which contains a day-by-day life journal written in a poetric, artistic and classic novel-like style of writing has been made. You can find it here. Please pay a visit and put some comments there. As for this blog, I will still use it to write spiritual journals and Christianity articles, but this one will not be as oftenly updated as the other one, so you'll want to check this one maybe only once a week, but check the new one about two to three times a week. Enjoy the new blog, and sorry for leaving you all on a two-month hiatus. I have been very busy, and I will still be very busy until early December. And then there's the Christmas Cantata on December, 25th... so just pray for me that I will be made able to overcome all this when the time comes for me to face those challenges one by one.
••• Sunday, October 03, 2004 ••• Er... sorry for not telling that I was going to be away on August 9th to 11th for the Bible Camp. I remember that I have told it before, but not in the last post, it was on the... forgot which post but it's there. Yesterday I have returned and I feel VERY TIRED although also very satisfied. The main theme of the camp was Unity In Fellowship. The explanation in the two sessions was easy to comprehend, so I didn't take so many notes. I only recorded the main verses being used during the sessions in my PDA with a little explanation of what they refer to: Session I: A Prayer For Unity Session II: One Heart To Serve The LORD The Scriptures and the sermon given above were also a gift from God for me having followed Him for one year. I truly came back and knew about the real Christ in August, 10th 2003. Yet these sermons was given in the second day of the camp, meaning it was on August, 10th 2004. Exactly one year from when I first followed Him thoroughly! The sermons were also told as if they were specifically given to me. Maybe I have told you before (or not?) that I have a huge clash with June which has not been resolved to this day. The sermons really stabbed me in my heart, and the words I hear were like it was spoken directly to me, not to the congregation of people in the camp. I do not know how June must have felt, because it's like she felt nothing, nothing at all. Have her heart turned to stone already? I hope not... Erm, yeah, and for you people asking for photos... I have not received them from the Documentation Team. They took a lot of pictures with their digital camera and they will give all the pictures to me in the form of a CD. I will select a few of them and put them on my Multiply site's Photo Gallery. There are many strange and odd "faces" and "expressions" in the photos (well, some of the photos were taken by surprise), and for me, I got about 3-4 photos with strange expressions, and there's one really notable strange photo... yeah but it's okay... almost all of us got a photo or two like that. Argh... next time must tell the Documentation Team not to take pictures by surprise or stealth. But overall the photos are funny, hehehe... The most exciting moment during the entire camp was during the games. Wish I can tell you how many games and fun we had, but maybe you'll be able to see it later when I finally brought up the pictures. And the most memorable moment was during the last day, when we held the Closing Ceremonials in a clearing in the middle of a natural forest after we went on a hike for about 30-45 minutes. When and where else can you praise God with songs and listen to a sermon in the midst of nature? This is the first time I had an experience like this and maybe I won't be able to experience something like this again for YEARS to come. It was truly an amazing experience and I am so blessed to be a part of this Bible Camp's commitee. ••• Thursday, August 12, 2004 ••• "For we walk by faith, not by sight" -- 2 Corinthians 5:7 Day by day I can see that He is keeping us together in His hands....  Juli's financial problems have been completely resolved. The sum of money she needed was available on me, so I lend her that much. She said that she was going to return the money in about two weeks which means about the second week of August. But in the end she managed to return everything in less than a week. Even she is amazed how could God have helped her to get that amount of money in such a short time. The answer could not be anything else than "Divine Perseverance". It is like He is planning to further train us to fully rely, depend and trust fully on Him for the future. Because if we do not do that, we will fall on our own. My future plans have seen a bright path in the end. Following my inability to take the Master of Business Administration next year, my father agreed with my opinion that it is better to wait two years while working then taking the MBA, rather than choosing a Master degree that I can take next year but it's not useful and I don't like it. So right now the plans are set up like this: Of course, men can only plan and it's fully up to God whether He will fulfill this plan or not because He has His own plans that we cannot understand, maybe His plan is an entirely different plan that is better for me. For the time being I will just "walk by faith and not by sight" because I have learned that what you see with your humanly eyes can deceive you, but when you walk by faith you will find a way. Does it mean that I'm blind then? Maybe. But it's better to be blind and give my hands to Him so that He will lead me, rather than to be normal sighted but I follow my own way. Right now I would also like to thank Chette and Mima for being my role-model in this problems. I'll wait for the day that we can meet. Maybe in our wedding party? What to pray for right now? Right now me and Juli are both suffering from illness. I have some problems in my digestion system that leads to heart and head problems. My heart can suddenly beat out of rhytm and make me painful. It also has a connection with my low blood pressure, yesterday it was only 100/70 (out of the normal 120/80). In the end, I also have a bad headache that makes me really suffer. I almost get hit twice by another car when I was driving because my head was too painful for me to concentrate on the road. While for Juli, I don't know her exact problem as she hasn't gone to the doctor yet, but yesterday she was having a bad headache and a fever. What's worse, she have to get to the office and back with bus. If she was to fall down on the bus with no one else guarding her (no Nino and no C'tine right now), what will happen to her? ••• Wednesday, August 04, 2004 ••• A funny image:  For Juli: She really needs some financial support in this time. She's moving to a new job and her old office would do many (harmful and unnecessary) things to keep her in the old business. For now, I have given her as much as she needed to carry on to the new job, but the amount of money I gave her was not little. Moreover, it is not my own money, but my parent's money that was given to me. Although officially it's my money now, I will still get flamed by my parents if they know I'm giving that much of money to "no one" (they don't know about Juli yet). For myself: I have just found out that I cannot take my Master of Business Administration (MBA) next year. To be accepted in the MBA program of the National University of Singapore (NUS), you need to have at least two years of work experience in the business management field, a TOEFL minimum of 620 and a GMAT minimum of 600. I don't have all of them. I have never been working in a management field before, my TOEFL of 640 expired last year and I don't even have the latest amount of skill necessary to pass a GMAT test (I don't have any managerial skill at all). So it will take maybe a few years more for that. And I don't know what to do in the meantime, because my parents don't want me to work before I get my MBA. And don't even think about the four years marriage plan... it must be changed somehow, don't know when. ••• Thursday, July 29, 2004 ••• Got this from my friend Venety... and I encourage you to read this too... "There are only two kinds of people in this world-the realists and the dreamers. The realists know where they're going. The dreamers have already been there." -- Robert OrbenAnd there's also another Friendship Award from Chette. Sorry that I have to convert your original PNG format to JPG and downgrade the quality, because your PNG's size is too large...  Well that's it for today's (long) update. See you next time with another post in another time... ••• Sunday, July 25, 2004 •••  Because right now I am faltering and falling down. I started questioning myself if the relationship will work out just fine and whether our relationship is good in His eyes. I started to look on things which could happen in the future which I don't know how to face. I am beginning to get afraid.... really afraid of what might happen next.... Please hold my hand and walk with me, pray with me for our future.... God, where should I go? What should I do next? P.S for Juli: stay close by me, hold my hand, and pray for our future... it's getting uncertain... ••• Saturday, July 24, 2004 ••• Due to the Doneeh's Commenting System being unoperable now, I have no other choice but to change my commenting systems to Haloscan. All of the previous commenting system's data should be lost, but once Doneeh is operable again I might be able to retain it. But there will be no way to merge it with Haloscan's commenting system, so all I can do is apologize, your comments might be lost forever. Please bear with it and use the current commenting system from now on as it is managed by professional hands, unlike those amateur Doneeh guys. Yup, that's right. As of July, 14th 2004 I officially have a girlfriend. We met on the internet via the previous community, 2kGeneration, about December 2003 and it continued until the new community, The Outcasts, begun. First, I thought she must have liked another person, as she kept telling me about her chasing another person. But in the end she gave up on that person. We met face-to-face during the Outcasts Puncak Gathering on 9-11 July 2004. We talked about many things and learned a lot about each other. Then on July 14th we made a commitment to start a relationship and build it all the way to the marriage. She's my first (and last) girlfriend. Will everything go smoothly then? Most likely no. She is four years older than me so it will be hard work to convince our parents about our relationship. So far we haven't told them. But we got a great deal of prayer support from our friends. From my side, I would like to thank C'tine, Nino, Mee-a, Ce Lintjie, Yusak, Papi Har and Mima. I don't know about the support team on Juli's side, but as far as I know, Yusak, Papi Har and Mima are all of those in Juli's support team. Anyone rejecting us? Sure, we've got two persons rejecting our relationship but we think we'll be able to work it out eventually. Just in this week, right after we started our relationship, many "rocks and walls" were thrown on us, especially on me. So I need to manage a better spiritual life and let Him handle all things and all aspects on my life. These problems I face right now are just small stones compared to what I must face in the latter part of my relationship, especially closing on marriage. If I can't trust Him right now, then I do not know how far I am able to go later. Both of us must strive harder for a better relationship with God (and also our family - especially our parents, I've began closing on them for a while). Right now we're planning a marriage in four years time, and we're pursuing an "okay sign" from my choir tutor, Ce Lintjie. Currently she's not giving A-OK with our relationship, but she will support us in prayer, and she will check on my spiritual and maturity growth in six months time. So I hope by January 2005 she will have decided what to do about us. And on March 2005, my girlfriend will come to my place and I plan to introduce her to my church friends and fellow choir members. So we need an "okay sign" before that. Hopefully. And I still don't know what to tell my parents about her when she come here later. Will it be the time yet to tell my parents about everything? I'll depend entirely on Ce Lintjie, as my tutor and God's servant. We need all the support we can get, so please pray for us, dear friends... we'll appreciate it... Here's my current life plan for the next four years: - Finish my current studies, Bachelor of Information Engineering, next year (July 2005) - After that, pursue a Master degree in two years and seek a decent job (hopefully 2007) - And conserve some money for our financial needs, rent a house and plan the wedding - Marry her (hopefully 2008/2009) and have two children (we'll name the girl Julia Xaverina)  Uh... sorry if my face's kinda strange. I wasn't expecting the camera. But it's our only pic... Before I was so scared that I might fail one or two subjects this semester. But when I surrendered it all to Him, He answered by giving me 1 A mark, 5 B+ marks and 2 B marks... making this semester's GPA as high as 3.44 and the total GPA 3.36. I know that I couldn't have done it by myself. And right now I still have to face my practice work at a web design and programming company. I know I can't make it on my own. But if God will bring me to it, He'll bring me through it. I'll just have to believe in Him entirely, right now, then and forever. ••• Tuesday, July 20, 2004 ••• |
About Myself
 Born on 23 March 1984 New-Born on 10 August 2003 Residing in Surabaya, Indonesia Petra Christian University, Informatics Eng. E-Mail : chaoticblue@gmail.com Yahoo : blu3_dr4g00n@yahoo.com MSNM : blu3_dr4g00n@hotmail.com Current Music - Aerith's Theme MIDI Taken from Final Fantasy VII MIDI Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children.
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